I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
