I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I understand Curling. That high.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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