My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
