My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
