So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
