I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
