I'm going to jail i love you
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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