i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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