no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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