Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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