Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
