You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
