grandma shit on top of the toilet
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
