saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
