I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
