I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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