Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize