i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
