Your face is a jimmy john
there's paper in my vomit.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
