So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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