I looked at my own cervix.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I would ride that face into the sunset
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
