you guys were way drunker than both of me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
