): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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