Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize