Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
