Kiss
Puke
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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