she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.