I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?