yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet