If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
