Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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