I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
