And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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