on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
