i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
