I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
