Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
