I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize