dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
