Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
