2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
