Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Buhtt sex?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
