If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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