Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
