I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
