Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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