Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
