i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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