My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize