I am puke
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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