you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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