I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
kristin has been a bad kristin
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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