I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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