I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
