Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I need help removing her.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
