Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
