ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
