Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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