My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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