Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
