There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
