Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
