I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
