you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
