We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
