I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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