My hand turned me down
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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