My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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