I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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