Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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