Fuck appropriateness.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
