Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
