You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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