At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
