And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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