id be glad to
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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