everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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