he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
