Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
