If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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